When life gives you lemons

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Today I am thankful for lost time, and distant family, for neighbors who don’t stand by and watch, for brothers who become friends. Today I thank God for existence, for the pain that reigns in my knees, for the stressors that left me a little stronger, wiser, and more grateful. 

For me, the pandemic removed nearly all my income, and brought my path of acting to a close, it shut down all my business and for the first time in twenty years of freelancing, I looked to unemployment benefits to pay my bills and feed myself. 

Rebuilding post 2020 is still something I’m working on. 

But 2020-2021 changed me too. It made me face my anxiety and depression while trying to walk upright before The Lord. 

It taught me that objects don’t matter, that a relationship with the Most High was primary, and that anything else can be released. It gave me the opportunity to distinguish the faith written in the scriptures from the faith I see on tv.

While this was not something I ever wished to endure the result is more than worth the price. I winch when I say that, because I don’t want to invite a second round. The scriptures say that Yeshua, endured the cross despising the shame, because of the joy that awaited on the other side. 

That is how I feel. I recall the struggles, the quaking and anguish, but the trust and transformation that are now part of me could now could not come without them. 

I sit here, listening to music, wondering but knowing that my new path what ever it be, and where ever it leads is a house that required integrity I did not formerly have as a man and son of the Most High.

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